he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
