I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
