tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
send nudes
from the living room?
Come on in and take your pants off
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