I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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