I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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