I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She has the best kind of daddy issues
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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