At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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