There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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