he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
