Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
