And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
