**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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