i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
