True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
