I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
