Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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