Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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