Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
