I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
