It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
