good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
