A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
two words...techno handjob
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
