Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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