the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As shirtless as possible
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
