Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
