she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
