yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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