You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
