If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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