Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
