Have you finally orgasmed yet?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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