fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
