I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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