Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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