Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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