If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
