how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
