In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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