Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
