a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
