Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
