Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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