I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
