If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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