yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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