I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
