I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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