You're earring is so big in my mouth
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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