i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
