do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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