You really coming over, don't trick.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
