Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
