It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
