He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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