Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
