we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize