Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
whose parrot is this?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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