So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
