I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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